Football transfer rumours: Samuel Eto'o to Manchester City?

Where would the rumours industry be without its summer blockbusters? With the much-loved Cesc ♥ Barça franchise struggling at the box office ("last summer we offered €40m for Fábregas ... now he's worth less"), it's with a glad heart the Mill can report that a recent new release has caught the gossip-mongering public's imagination.

With his slender complexion, twinkling toes and long, shiny hair, Luka Modric is the star who everyone wants to be seen around town with. Even though the Sun carries an exclusive "hands off" warning from Spurs manager Harry Redknapp – with some quotes that look remarkably similar to the ones published by most other organs – Modric's agent, it appears, has been calling at all the major studios to listen to offers.
Chelsea, whose eye was caught by Modric's supporting role in Tottenham's Big (Cup) Day Out, initially headed the queue but Manchester United are now willing to throw in moody bit-part player Dimitar Berbatov as well as £18m. Inevitably, Manchester City also want a piece of the lights! camera! action! and are lining up a £30m bid plus his own star on the Eastlands Walk of Fame.

City are also being linked to every major European footballer with an agent Samuel Eto'o after the Inter striker filed a "come and get me" plea with the relevant authorities. "I have many offers and I now have a month to think about what I have to do," said Eto'o. "At 30, the next contract will be my last big one and so I have to decide if I want stay at Inter or not." Unusually, it's not all about the Benjamins for Samuel. "If it is about 200 or 300 thousand that will not make a difference to me," he said, generously offering to accept a figure somewhere in between. "Playing in England is an idea I have had in my head for some time and now what matters to me is finding a good team."

The fate of Udinese's Alexis Sánchez continues to set tongues a-wagging/eyelids a-drooping, with Chelsea joining the Manchesters City and United in the mud-wrestling pit. However, while that interesting threesome is caught up grappling with each other, one of Barcelona, Inter or Juventus is likely to run off with the £32m Chilean tucked under an arm.

Back in north London, and in defiance of the apparent one-way traffic sign, Tottenham and Arsenal are eyeing minor sops to appease the fans after Modric and Fábregas do one. Spurs want Chivas's 18-year-old Erick Torres, known to the Mill as the "Little Runner Bean", and having got a taste for Mexican they would also like to bring in the exotically named Antonio Pedroza Whitham from Jaguares, via his mum's house in Chester, for £400,000.

Arsenal plan to restock their nutrient-rich growth tank with 17-year-old "German whizkid" Samed Yesil, the Bayer Leverkusen striker who won the Golden Boot at this year's Euro Under-17 Championship – which, to be fair, is more than Arsenal have won recently. Arsène Wenger has also hatched a cunning plan to offload Denílson by offering him to Shakhtar Donetsk in part-exchange for Douglas Costa. Not that Shakhtar are falling for it.

Adel Taarabt is keen on a move, either to Arsenal or Chelsea, and doesn't mind a accepting a diminished workload in order to get it. "If one of these sides can guarantee me 20 games a season, then I would be very tempted to join them," he yawned.

Up on Merseyside, Liverpool are set to bring in Sylvain Marveaux from Rennes – a story which again seemed to test the Sun's understanding of the word "exclusive" – and then return to their task of snapping up vastly overpriced English players by punching as many random numbers into a calculator as it takes for Aston Villa to release Stewart Downing's registration. Everton, the inspiration behind Liverpool's new third kit, are meanwhile duking it out with Swansea and Norwich for Craig Mackail-Smith.

And in today's shorts: Demba Ba will be the best-selling name on the shirts of thrifty Geordies next season after rocking up at Newcastle for a similarly bargain zero pounds. West Brom want Getafe midfielder Derek Boateng and Shay Given on loan from Manchester City. Keiren Westwood is set to join Sunderland on a free; while Marcos Senna's agent is again flirting shamelessly with Swansea. Stoke want Birmingham's Scott Dann for £12m – we're assuming someone missed out a decimal point there – before Alex McLeish can smuggle him over the battlements to Aston Villa. And Bursaspor are chasing Rangers' Steven Whitaker.

Finally, the Spanish press has apparently labelled Tottenham and England Under-21 right-back Kyle Walker the "new Roberto Carlos" – in this case, for one swerving free-kick in a meaningless tournament, read one swerving run in a meaningless, etc ...